I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
