what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
