so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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