obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
