Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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