So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
