I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
