if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
