just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
