so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
where are my eyebrows?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
