i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
