Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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