Buhtt sex?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
