At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i've created a new STD.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
