I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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