Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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