How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
