Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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