is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
