I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Farmville is her only friend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
