There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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