Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
