I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
