Im at strip club and am horny
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
