he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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