he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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