I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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