I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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