so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
