just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
