Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
