so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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