i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
