My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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