The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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