On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she looked like the before picture.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
