Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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