you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
