Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
