my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
