She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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