I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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