God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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