did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
