A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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