chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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