I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
