I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
