oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
