I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
