Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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