no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
