I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
