i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
