I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
