Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
