I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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