i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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