Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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