could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
