Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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