Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
