the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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